Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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