I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
