Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
