lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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