before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
