I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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