doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
