She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
