I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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