guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
