i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
