i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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