Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
