This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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