Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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