hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
being pregnant is like rehab
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
