WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
