Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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