tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
