I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This baby is an asshole
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
