I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ketchup is God's man juice
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
