$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
