I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
