just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
