i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
