just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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