textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
