we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
