Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
