Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I understand Curling. That high.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
