i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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