She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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