Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
