Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
