i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
