Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
