my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
