We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
