I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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