My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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