Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
