Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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