we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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