is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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