Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
