I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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