he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
