Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
