haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
