I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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