umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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