You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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