you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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