How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
