if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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