Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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