I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
