We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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