Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
