i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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