I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
