I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They have beer where we have blood.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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