You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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