dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
