i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
