tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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