he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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