I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
