Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I skipped work to stalk him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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