I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
