If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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