I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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