the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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