I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
