and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
