I cannot find my penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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