Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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