he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
