Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
